26 February 2008

25. A 24-Year-Old Texas Man

Last night's dream left me with an admiration and a desire for Hillary that I have never felt before. We were making love and I, for the first time in my life, had feelings of sympathy and admiration for her. There was little talking, but I recall feeling all of her life's power and accomplishment during the act, something I have never really acknowledged. To my frustration, my lovemaking skills were not enough for her. That part of myself which I had previously taken pride in and had never failed to successfully use (particularly in a dream) was failing. I remember whispering soft words of passion to her, changing my physical techniques, but nothing seemed to trigger the physical response I was seeking. I was so confused and disappointed by my failure to please her that I awoke feeling sexually inadequate for the first time in my life. But this inadequacy left me with a new admiration for her power, something I had never quite thought about before. I saw how all of the power in her life was acquired through a personal sacrifice of sexual desires.

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